Forgetting Lila
by afairywithgiggles
Summary: Lila has barely mended when she is asked by Nyx to go to the tunnels to help Zoey, but Kanola wants her on his side too. Can she ever trust her ex, Stark? She isn't chosen by Nyx but the bulls fight over her, who wins is her decision. Set after Awakened.
1. Unsaid words, forgotten goodbyes

**The summary basically describes the base of the story so I'm not going to go into too much detail but I would ask you to check out my profile once and awhile because I'll be posting lyrics and sayings on what inspired me for chapters, some inspirations I'll just put in the author's note. Ok so Stark's ex, Lila, is in her last counselling session in the Chicago house of night, be warned, there is some language. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own the house of night series nor will I ever! **

**Chapter 1 - unsaid words. **

"How do you feel today?" Grace's smooth voice made me snap my eyes open and sigh. I _had _been daydreaming about going to the beach instead of picturing the scene Grace, my counsellor, had been describing, I distantly heard her mention letting go of my feelings and watching them go in the wind but then I went back imagining the lovely beach scene.

"About a 9." I mumbled. It was never a good or ok with Grace, I had to do it on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being horrible and 10 being ecstatic.

"Why not a ten?" she asked.

"Why should I be feeling a ten?" I asked, irritable that she didn't find nine good enough, I mean about a month ago I was a big fat zero, maybe even a negative number but I don't really know how I felt back then to be honest, that's why I picked zero, I felt nothing.

"Well you're moving to a new school." she said impatiently because I wasn't cooperating today.

"Nerves have got me being a nine, ok?" I took a deep breath and continued in a firm voice. "I am happy, I honestly am, I really want this fresh start to go well so why can't we just talk about normal stuff and be happy that I am happy."

"I'm still not sure about this Lila but I prayed to Nyx and I just have this feeling it's the best for you. But remember, I am just a phone call or even an email away so if you ever need help I am here." she smiled and pulled me into an awkward hug seeing as I'm 5'11 and she's like 4'8.

I smiled as she had said Nyx but it wasn't a happy smile, it was bitter. Of course Nyx wanted she to go, she told me to leave and help Zoey Redbird. Helping the special chosen one made me shiver, Nyx knew well that I had my own battle to fight with Kanola, the winged man who kept appearing in my dreams to ask me questions like I knew the answers, and Nerfret who appeared to me in a dream and called me a her 'heir'. she has also added she didn't need one but I would be useful seeing as I was so close to the bulls…

The bulls caused all this mess, I should have just died in that fire…

"Lila?" Grace's tone was boarder-line scared, she knew I was thinking of the fire.

"I'm ok." I smiled but I knew she was worried. So I tried to change the mood. "So can I finally have my life diary to keep?" I asked hopefully.

"Oh I nearly forgot!" she laughed and went to her huge filing cabinet to pull out my diary.

Grace was a modern vampire, although she was old, and liked new ways of dealing with issues. One the first visit to her she gave me a diary and told me it was my life diary, she explained it helped bring up issues I wouldn't be able to talk about otherwise, so that night at my desk I wrote my earliest memory. I wrote right up until the accident and then she kept it to read and we started tackling my issues.

I sat down on the large sofa and opened it on a random page.

_I had always wanted the best in life. I came from a rich family and it was natural for me to be the perfect daughter. I was popular, had a preppy style and I was on the honour roll_ . _I think my boyfriend at the time was Keith, he was dumb but kind. It was the night of the winter formal, I was 16 and everything had started off perfectly, Keith had even remembered to match his tie with my dress and I was sure I would ice queen. Then I got marked. I remember being in the restroom and it happened in an instant, I then applied makeup over the mark and I lied and said I felt sick before leaving. I heard them call out my name for ice Queen just as I was leaving and when they heard I wasn't there my best friend got it. I remember feeling like a robot as I went home to my mother and father and calmly told them we had a problem, my mother sighed and started ringing her friends who were the mothers of my friends and telling them my grandfather insisted I'd be sent to a boarding school immediately as he did not want his grand daughter to miss out on a fine education. My father then rang my grandfather and told him what had happened, my grandfather paid some friends of his to put files in an abroad boarding school so it looked like I had actually went. I just felt as if it was an a blip in the road, but my parents thought it was best if I was erased from there, they moved to France two weeks later. I had no more family in America. I was alone in a weird vampire school but my mother did say one thing to me before she left, succeed in that school and become on top. I did just that. _

I shivered at how stupid I had been and flicked a few pages forward.

_Stark just had to ruin everything. As that arrow went through his mentor I saw everything I has worked for slip away, but I was still the high priestess in training and I felt I had to make it right. I had feelings for Stark even though he was cocky and cruel and I stood by him when people whispered murderer in the halls. That was my biggest mistake, I should have done what I had always done and thought only about myself, I shouldn't have stuck by that cruel boy who I called my boyfriend since I became Queen bee in the Chicago house of night. He just left one night and any feelings I had for him just went down the drain. Actually all my feeling went down the drain…_

It was so ironic that I after that incident I thought Stark was so stupid for not being able to control his affinity and now I'm in the same position only worse, it's not like it goes out of control really, but it's like _something else _inside me control them and forces me not to use my good ones. Darkness and light are inside me, it's like they are battling it out and I'm the battleground.

I knew not to look past that page. Things got worse.

I said goodbye to Grace and rushed to my room to pack my belongings into two huge suitcases. Then I quickly hauled them into my car and I was off. I wasn't going to wait to have my room magically packed off and brought to Tulsa house of night by some adult vampire, I wasn't even going to the house of night there, nope, I was going to the tunnels just like Nyx told me too.

**So that's chapter one, I hope you liked and please show your interest by reviewing, also feel free to ask questions although things about Lila and her past life will slowly be explained through the chapters. Thanks for reading! **


	2. You don't know me anymore

**Chapter 2 - You don't know me anymore. **

As my heels clicked and echoed down the dark and seemly lonely tunnels there was an unmistakable smell of death. Being connected to the white bull gave me a few 'affinities'. I could also speak to the spirits, I could even control them but I never have, yes it was tempting when Neferet told me, I mean her eyes lit up when she explains it would be like my very own army but she came to me in a dream and I woke up before she persuaded me…

But the black bull wants me too, I can heal vampires and humans along with animals and well, anything living.

I can heal or _kill. _

Draining the life out of someone is easy but when I heal someone it hurts me. Like my insides are being stabbed. I remember shortly after I had my breakdown I saw a girl rejecting the change, I wanted to lessen her pain so I knelt beside her and did just that. She thanked me before she passed but I was puking blood for a week. It's like when I do good things my bad side hurts me…

Bile rose as I realized I would be surrounded by death as long as I stayed to help Zoey Redbird. Death doesn't smell bad to me, in fact it smells the opposite, it smells sweet. Before I helped that girl as she rejected the change I had actually wanted too drain her life. Something the white bull and spirits urged me to do.

I angrily shook my head, why was I bringing up the past again? As I drove to the tunnels I promised myself to forget my old life and not read my diary. I had only just recovered and thinking about what I could do only tempted me.

"Hello?" I called into the dark, hoping no mutants would jump on me.

No mutants jumped on me but as I was slammed to the floor I saw a warrior had knocked me to the ground. I was up as quick as he knocked me and I took the sword he had in his hand. I pointed it at him and as we circled each other I noticed there was others waiting in the shadows to attack.

"I see you all in the shadows, come out, I mean no harm." I calmly said as I threw the warriors sword on the floor.

He picked it up but kept it by his side, the others came out and I noticed some had red tattoos, so much for the mutants I was expecting.

"I need to speak to Zoey Redbird." I asked.

Just as I finished I saw a girl runni8ng down the tunnels.

"Nobody hurt her! Nyx came to me and told me she is here to help!" the girl screamed as she towards us.

She stood in front of me and I couldn't help but smile, she was in her pyjamas. She bowed as did I and then I put out my hand.

"Zoey Redbird, my name is Lila and it is a pleasure to meet you." I said smoothly.

"Jeesh, sorry about all that, Nyx left it till last moment to tell." she blurted back as she took my hand to shake it.

"How much has she told you?" I asked, trying to ignore the looks I was getting.

"Enough to know we need you." she smiled.

I smiled back and prayed Nyx hadn't told her too much. I turned to the warrior that had first jumped on me and bowed to him.

"Sorry to have caused trouble." I smiled as he bowed back.

"It is I was should be apologising, my name is Darius." he said.

"Guys go get Lila's stuff out of her car, she must be tired." Zoey said.

Darius and another two guys were up the tunnels and I turned to face everyone. Then my heart stopped…

"Lila?" he asked as I stared blankly at him. Last time I heard that voice there had been a cruel tone to it. He looked different with his red tattoos and softer voice as he stood before me looking bewildered in his jeans with no top on. But I knew it was him, even if he clearly could not believe it was me. I had clearly changed also and I knew the old me would have fainted or screamed but I mentally shook myself and looked him straight in the eye, I hadn't felt much in long time and he was not going to start me feeling again.

"James." I said in a monotone voice as I stepped forward. "Zoey, I am very tired, can I please be shown to my room now?" I asked Zoey who clearly knew not to ask anything, she nodded and I started to follow her, my mind shutting off.

He did not know me anymore, Stark did not know me _anymore. _

**That's it! Please review, the more reviews and subscriptions I get the quicker I will update. =)**


	3. feeling blue

**I am so sorry I took so long to update, I promised last week but my laptop broke but I got it fixed so I'm back! Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Chapter 3 - feeling blue.**

I had woke up at 6 pm which caused me to spend the last hour daydreaming about a lovely beach scene again, I'd do anything to see the sun blazing again in a clear blue sky. But those are foolish hopes and wishes. I need to do something. Anything to stop the dull creeping into my soul and causing me to become a robot again. A rush is what I need, yes, an adrenaline rush.

I quickly jumped out of bed and brushed my long raven black hair, my hair turned from a dark brown to raven black after the accident but I never really cared. I didn't need any eye make up as my steel grey almond shaped eyes that had long black lashes caused a striking effect already so I just applied some lip gloss and covered my mark with some foundation and then went

straight for my suitcases. I decided on a purple party dress and black stilettos. I was going to tie my hair up but I just left it down, it is mostly straight and smooth with a few soft curls and I needed to be quick anyway because it was approaching eight pm.

I opened the bedroom door slightly and after seeing the tunnels were empty I made a run for it. Half an hour later I found myself outside a house party talking to some teens who got drunk way too early.

"Wow you're beautiful." one guy shouted as he sized me up.

"But really pale." another commented.

"Oh do you prefer tanned girls?" I asked innocently.

"Oh no, you make a really nice change from them." he said as he gulped and stepped back. "I got to go, I think I'm going to puke." he added as he walked halfway up the street and fell into a bush. Not a pretty sight but at least that left me with one slightly tipsy guy.

"So do you want to come inside cause this is my friends party and he would totally let us use his room to get us some _alone _time." he said as he unsuccessfully tried to look flirty.

I cringed in my mind but grabbed his arm and smiled.

"That would be totally great, oh my gosh, do you work out? Your arms are so masculine and hot." I giggled as he walked with me.

"Oh yea, I'm a jock, babe." he replied cheerfully.

Five minutes later I felt buzzing as I made out with him on his friend's bed.

"So I've got a confession to make." I said, pushing him away.

"You're a vamp, I know, your make up faded like ages ago.' he slurred as he started to kiss me again.

"And you don't mind?" I asked, shocked.

"Hell no, all the guys in the locker room call you vamps freaks but really they'd freaking love a chance to hook up with vamps cause you all are freaking hot as fuck." he mumbled between kisses.

With that said I just sank my teeth into his neck, he struggled at first but then he started moaning. I drank for five minutes, letting the glorious sweet tasting blood flow into my mouth but then I stopped and pecked him on the cheek before quickly healing the wound I made.

"You'll need to take an iron supplement." I stated before leaving.

Just as I left the house I felt the alcohol taking effect and smiled. Five minutes later and I was dancing down the street on the way to the tunnels.

"And who said vampires can't get drunk!" I sang.

This is great. I mean I feel great. I should totally go to another party. Wait, I should go to taco bell and then another party. Great!

"Party, party, PARTAY!" I sang before I slipped on the pavement.

Wait, where can I find a taco bell? Awe man. Oh I could ask someone! I saw a guy with his back to me so I danced on over to him and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Heyyy handsome." I slurred. "Where are the fast food joints around here? Preferably a place with tacos and nachos please."

Then I backed away as the guy who had turned around was a full vampire with superman looks.

"What the fuck? Are you drunk?" he asked, stepping forward to grab my arm before I fell.

"Funny story, turns out jocks have a thing for vamps, I know, sounds crazy, but seriously he was great and drunk and great." I said as he lead me down an alley.

"I know what you're doing." he stated.

I felt the alcohol starting to fade a bit and gulped.

"Stark is obviously an ex, I've never seen someone stare at someone with so much hate, and you are trying to pretend you don't care but if you hate him you do care so you do stunts like this to feel good and to make everyone think she doesn't care, she probably never did but your act isn't going to work with me. I've been through that already and the end isn't pretty so just stop." he said, his eyes staring at me with so much mixed emotions I didn't know how to react for a moment.

"He doesn't even realized what he put me through, when he left it was only the beginning." I said.

"We better get you sobered up." he said.

"How?" I asked as I once again tripped.

"The old fashioned way, there's a diner just around the corner." he replied.

I followed him silently and wondered what his deal was, then I noticed the weird mark on his arm and realized he was a tracker. The diner we walked into was dead and we went to a booth at the back, he left and brought back two coffees.

"Thanks." I mumbled.

"My names Erik Night, to reason I acted like a jerk and lost all my friends is because Zoey cheated on me when I thought I loved her." he said.

"Well I'm guessing you know my name after the spectacle yesterday but yes Stark left without a goodbye and he is an ex of mine. But please don't tell anyone. I'm already embarrassed about the whole jock thing." I said.

We both laughed and got talking, I found out he had wanted to become an actor but now he was just a tracker and although he could live where this new crappy house of night tunnel place was for the next four years, he was angry about how he life turned out for him. He had been popular like me but then met Zoey and the cheating thing happened and he acted like a jerk and lost all his friends and then he just recently lost an old roommate called Jack and he realized all he had lost and that he was his own downfall.

"So what's your story?" he asked, his eyes full of genuine interest.

"Mine is just that little bit darker, I've just gotten over it, I can't just drag it all back to the surface but if you stick around and I can call you a friend I will eventually tell you." I said, my eyes searched his for him to not be offended but he just smiled.

"Pardon the cringe worthy sentence but I kind of want to be more than just friends." he said before we both started laughing.

Then his phone rang. It was Stark and he was far from happy.

**Hope you liked and please review! **


	4. different shades of grey part 1

**This chapter is short as there are two parts, I'll be updating the other soon. Who's the voice at the end? **

**Chapter 4 - different shades of grey- part 1 **

"**It's nearly eight, I better go." Erik whispered as he walked towards the door. **

**I silently watched him as he left and then I collapsed back onto my bed, angry that I seemed to rely on his visits more and more. Saying I was an outcast was an understatement, ever since the drinking incident and stark's angry and worried phone call I had just stayed in my room, no one knew I had gotten drunk but I heard them whisper when I went to the kitchen to get something to eat that when Stark had heard I went missing he lead the search and some said that he saw me and Erik. They also added that Erik and I had been making out but that was a rumour, obviously. Erik would visit me when everyone was asleep and we'd talk about books or plays or we'd just sit in silence, today we had sat in silence trying to digest that Zoey had invited me to a full moon ritual tonight to introduce myself formally to everyone. I suppose I had known this day would come, I mean it's been two full weeks since the drinking incident I can't stay locked in this room forever. But still, Erik had gotten used to our little meetings and I think he liked the fact I was like a get away for him, and of course I didn't wanted to talk to the boy who left me when times got tough and I didn't want to look at his new beautiful and extremely nice girlfriend perform a ritual I knew would show them I wasn't like them. **

"**Fuck." I mumbled as I tried to find one of my old ritual dresses, I decided on a sapphire blue one that I had never worn before. My mother had sent it to me one Christmas, I didn't know how she knew about rituals but I remember feeling sad that I'd never see her. The dress is beautifully made though, it's sort of tight but respectable, it doesn't have that v-neck most of the dresses have but it goes across my collarbone, the outline of silver stars that are sewed on are the best feature as I just always loved stars, so free and bright in the dark sky. **

**I quickly tried on the dress and looked in the mirror. In front of me stood a tall slim girl with striking features, her raven hair clashed with her pale smooth skin and the dress fitted like a glove but there was something wrong, something terribly wrong. Here's an extremely beautiful girl with a extraordinary dress and to most that is all they'd see but something was wrong. **

"**It's your eyes." a smooth and gentle voice whispered behind me. **

"**It's everything." I replied with a sigh. **

"**What has happened to you?" the voice asked almost pleadingly. **

**I frowned and stared at him behind me in the mirror, my grey eyes seemed to just turn dull.**

"**What hasn't happened to me." I replied before leaving the room. **


	5. different shades of grey part 2

**Sorry it was so late, I really needed to sort out some things in my life first:/ but I will be better at updating from here on out! Yay! **

**Chapter 4 – different shades of grey part 2. **

I quickly rushed up the ladder to meet the freezing cold air, my dress provided no shelter from the cold and I was left shivering and lost. Why didn't I ask exactly where outside I'll never know but I was tense until I saw Erik sprinting towards me.

"Aphrodite's had a vision, you need to come quickly." He said as he took my hand.

Aphrodite was under a tree, being barely kept awake when I ran up to them. Zoe looked lost and confused and Stark was pushing Aphrodite for answers.

"Stop pushing her, she's tired." I stated as I stared at her.

I was about to kneel when I noticed everyone was looking at Erik holding my hand, I pulled my hand away and smiled at him a little to assure him I was only going to help.

Gently I placed my hand on Aphrodite's head and watched at her droopy bloodshot eyes went back to normal. I smiled and stood back beside Erik.

"Now you can question her." I said.

"Since Lila helped me I'm filling her in cause you all look like a bunch of lost puppies at this very moment." Aphrodite snapped as she got up. "I had a vision, actually I had two visions, first one was bad, you were with the white bull, Nerfret and Kanola and there was this good looking guy there too… Anyway, the second one you were with the black bull but you were-" she trailed off and looked away.

"Dead." I sighed. "Tell me something I don't know but that will only happen if you all screw up in defeating Nerfret." I added hastily.

"What should we do?" Zoey asked.

"About what? The vision? They'll figure themselves out; all I have to do is pick good over bad." I replied as I picked a wilting rose from a bush. "But, what does worry me is who do you have protecting this place? I mean, someone or something is bound to come, there's too many key people her for them not to come, the Red One, the Chosen one, all your little gang and not to mention I happen to be the thing they need to win this little battle against good and bad."

"You're right but we're underground, the raven mockers can't go underground." She said.

They watched as the rose I had brought back to life blackened in my hand.

"There's worse things in this world than raven mockers Zoey, and believe me getting underground is no trouble to them." I watched as the dead rose blew away and I turned toward Darius. "What happened your arm?" I asked.

"Before we left the school Nerfret grabbed it, I lost a lot of muscle, it's like it's just disappeared." He replied stiffly.

"I'll fix it but then you sort out protection, I'll trust your opinion, a Son of Erebus once saved my life." I said.

I took his arm and watched it heal, I knew I wasn't going to be well tomorrow, it was like his arm just crumpled but kept its shape somehow.

"Also I would like you to train me to fight." I stated as he bowed.

"You are a girl." He said sternly.

"A girl who has been chosen by the two bulls and I can fight, you saw that the first night." I said coldly.

"Jesus Christ, just train her, she fixed the both of us and I don't like what she did to that rose." Aphrodite said.

I smiled and was about to leave when I grabbed Erik's hand and turned back to everyone.

"Oh and I guess I've introduced myself but just so you all know, don't go off and risk yourself thinking I'll heal you cause it healing people harms me and I might just screw up and drain the life out of you." I said before leaving.

I forced a smile to Erik but all I could think about was what Aphrodite had said and if I had told them all too much about me. When I had gotten back to the tunnels and into my room and hugged and kissed Erik till I couldn't think anymore, nothing was what it seemed, nothing was ever black and white.


	6. Chaos

**CHAPTER 6 - Chaos. **

I ran and ran but I knew he'd find me, he always did.

'Turn around Lila, you know what happens when you run.'

'Leave me alone!' I screamed but it was no use, he had me.

Fire. The pain engulfed my body and mind, I collapsed the the floor and looked at the burns and scars returning on my body.

'Ok! Kanola you have me, please stop! Please!'

'What are you doing with Zoey, Lila. Answer me now.' He sneered as he pulled me up.

That's when I pounced on him, he smashed me to the floor again and agin but I still tried even though I knew I was bound to lose.

'Lila, stops fighting what you cannot stop, you are evil, you are mine and I will have you eventually.'

'Is that what you tell Nefret and Zoey when you talk to them?' I sneered as he grabbed my neck and pushed me up against the wall.

'They are nothing to me now, I was blind till I found you. You understand me Lila, we aren't like those mortals, we can be great.'

'Then why did you do it to me Kanola, why.. The fire... Why did you do it to me...'

'You did it yourself Lila, you have no idea the power you have...'

I pushed him away but he laughed and grabbed me again.

'I'm sending them to come get you.' He said before smirking and pushing his perfect bronze body against mine.

Then he kissed me and I woke up. I tore off my nightgown and checked my body, the burns and scars were gone again but the pain remained. I dressed and ran to the kitchen where everyone was eating. I couldn't form the words, I could barely stand, they were coming, I could nearly smell them. They were coming.

'The spirits are coming! Get out of these tunnels before you all get killed!' I screamed but it was too late. They were here.

The tunnel shook and I grabbed Zoey.

'Get your friends, I need all the elements.' I said as ran out into the tunnels.

She arrived moments later with them. 'I need you all the get in your places and call the elements, I will stand in the middle, I need you all to keep calm you will not be using your affinities but do not break away from your positions, we don't have time' I said and I signalled to Zoey to begin.

The lights flicked and the spirits filled the room, I looked at Stevie Ray who seemed terrified but then the power started to fill me and smirked.

**ZOEY'S POV**

Lila's eyes turned black when I finished the ritual. I tried to move couldn't..

'Lila!' I shouted but she couldn't hear me, the most surreal thing happened, she rose as if she was a spirit herself and raised her arms.

'Go.' She whispered to them and when she flicked her hands they wailed the most horrifying noise I ever heard in my life. She flicked her arms again and they wailed in pain again, but then I noticed something caught her eye.

'Chaos!' She screamed. 'I can see you Chaos, Chaos why!' Then Lila ran toward the spirits and they surrounded her. My heart was pounding and I screamed and screamed for Lila to free us from the hold. Why was she doing this, why was she letting them get her.

Then everything went blindly white and the screeches from the spirits intensified. I closed my eyes and prayed to Nyx, the noise became to much to handle and then there was just silence... Dead silence and I opened my eyes to see Lila crouching... With a man in her arms... _Dead_.

'What have you-' I began but she cut me off with her hand.

'I killed him, I had to. This was the Son of Erbus that had saved me. But he died after he saved me and I foolishly brought him back to life. He betrayed me so I took back what i gave him, his life.' She stated blankly as she stood up and dropped the body. 'I managed to control the spirits enough to go back, they most likely will not return here now due to the fact that I caused them a lot of pain, Kanola will have trouble trying to control them again.'

'Why is that?' Damien asked.

'They are dead, there's not much he can do to someone that is dead. It's hard to control them, only the white bull can truly, Kanola is strong but some things are just beyond him, death is one of them.' She replied.

And with that she turned around and puked up about all the blood in her. Stunned I just stared as she wiped her mouth and turned back wincing in pain.

'And controlling them comes at a price. Now I need some fucking blood because I'm paying mine right now.' She snapped before storming off.

All that was running through my head was the unnatural look she had in her eyes when they turned black.. Can I truly trust her? Because deep down something tells me she is fighting a battle of good versus bad alright, inside her mind...


End file.
